Monthly Archives: April 2014

Monday night..damn those bell ringers

Gee trying book this holiday. As soon as I select and book it informs me that I can book because the holiday is for two…no offers of last minute deals then. Prejudice..I’m single and singled out!!!! What a Travesty. And its Mondays and my local church right in front of me invites EVERYONE and anyone to rings bells in the evening. YES.so you can imagine that..bells ringing out of sync on and off like a drunk priest on one legs. Its nuts!!! Now to make matters worst someone yanking the bells now is trying to yank them down..as bad as it sound I hope it works.that will teach them to let Joe Public play with bells..oh my its stopped. Oh its 9pm it does stop then. ahhh now this damn holiday where am I going???

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Sun sea sand and… text…yes books

Oh if only it rhymed with text. But this is a solo holiday..me myself and a cocktail or 10. When on holiday..why not? On holiday I can be anyone and on my holisay Im going to be me. Single on a discovery trip. No men no girl companions ( at a later date..of course) and no walk of shame..well lets face it with a frizzy afro like mine I rock the messy dishevelled look daily..So now to decide WHERE. Greece appeals. Been there and its great in May..I like the idea of Mkyonos..but I think I might be wrong but ‘shirley Valentine’ (as in the movie) took her solo break there so let’s not allow tourists and locals to get their violins or mandolins out.
Another Island???? Lets see whats available. .this week yes Im that keen..let you know…

feeling lost..a mess…I need to find myself

Im all over the place. I just feel lost.  Like I need to rediscover me. Who I am? What I want. I always fill my tune helping others and I cant even help myself. I dint know how. I don’t know what I want. I just opened the cupboard and everything fell the cereals a couple of plates and my kitchen a messed. I cant tidy it. I cant do it. Its not me not to but there s no point. Who for?? Nooones coming to visit. I live alone. And I don’t care right now. In fact I want to help make it messier and smash a plate or 10. But I won’t!!! The fact I want to worries me.  I need a holiday. Its overdue. A break. A rest. Relax.  RELAX. I don’t do that. Not since the break up. I will. I will go to a remote place. A beach. A hideaway. Therefore I have to relax because I will be alone with nowhere but a remote destination.  In doing it. Im going. Finding me again….

I’m dating me for a while….need too

Last night my dear friend probed me…like a friend should asking why I’m forcing…yes forcing myself to date..It hit me hard. I got tearful cos I know where shes going. My breakup last year blindsided me just when I got my new house after 17 years and was planning a baby with him. I painted a possible nursery. My boyf just took off without warning for a couple of weeks and I got thrown out of my house and my career in a shared business with him. I never knew until his return but he went on a 5 star holiday to Mexico with my friend who I had just employed and got her N.I number. I gave her a new life in the UK from Hungary.  She gad a lively room at mine. They both took this holiday together and simply she took away my life. Neither of them apologised. I lost my life and health. Since that day Feb 14 last year I have had issues.  I don’t relax I don’t sit down. I cant even sit on my sofa and watch TV. I have anxiety if I stop and think. I don’t deserve to relax I need to rebuild my life all over. I’m 35. It was a shock. I’m still in that situation. I am trying to date now and rush things and find the one. I believe in love still.

Id love the fairytale. Id love kids. A kid. I’m not going to settle for anyone hence Im pushing the dating. But I know. MY FRIENDS know I need to heal. I need a holiday. I need to love me again…Image

in bed alone again…raining outside

Another night in bed alone..its been over year..since Valentines 2013..(night of my breakup)..feels like Groundhog day..a deja vu..everynight rolls into one. A lonesome bed is great when Im eating crisps and the crumbs go awry but I would swap for cuddles and laying next to the one I love for comfort. Its honestly on these dark rainy nights I feel alone and sometimes scared..scared of how long I will be in this situation not just alone but.. well my story is more enormous and heart rendering than I have so far shared. I will touch upon these issues eventually. But I can barely comprehend them myself. So at some point I will adhere to it in more depth. Anyway as I live in a converted convent I may be better off without a bed buddy. I think the Catholic girl in me may feel guilty. MAY.FEEL. GUILTY.
Well Goodnight to you all. Hope yours is more eventful. In a nice way X

single Life Is tough too..its just YOU

With single life..its you. You are alone to battle the daily woes..bills..problems..work life. .no one at home to talk to about..its just you…when you wake up..its just you..
There may be bonuses..like no one to answer too..do things when you want..where want you want..etc..but maybe thats easier for a different type of person. Perhaps a selfish one..thats not me..
single life is not for me..its not how I would choose to be living. But I don’t want to settle for anyone..I wont I deserve a nice guy..someone to give all my love too..and trust..Im not sure I will ever trust anyone. ANYONE. Im just going to start my to do list..and try do things for me..achieve things meanwhile let true love find its way through fate. I deserve that..wouldnt we all that. A tree love.. fingers (and toes) crossed…