Last night my dear friend probed me…like a friend should asking why I’m forcing…yes forcing myself to date..It hit me hard. I got tearful cos I know where shes going. My breakup last year blindsided me just when I got my new house after 17 years and was planning a baby with him. I painted a possible nursery. My boyf just took off without warning for a couple of weeks and I got thrown out of my house and my career in a shared business with him. I never knew until his return but he went on a 5 star holiday to Mexico with my friend who I had just employed and got her N.I number. I gave her a new life in the UK from Hungary. She gad a lively room at mine. They both took this holiday together and simply she took away my life. Neither of them apologised. I lost my life and health. Since that day Feb 14 last year I have had issues. I don’t relax I don’t sit down. I cant even sit on my sofa and watch TV. I have anxiety if I stop and think. I don’t deserve to relax I need to rebuild my life all over. I’m 35. It was a shock. I’m still in that situation. I am trying to date now and rush things and find the one. I believe in love still.